By The Rev. Frederick Streets
“Faith Matters” is a column that features pieces written by local religious figures.
Philippians 4:8
Religion is believing in God, faith is believing that God believes in you.
— Andre Dubus
The triggers that can lead us to lose faith in God, ourselves and in our confidence to make decisions are everywhere. In these uncertain times, people are facing the loss of a job, their homes and hard-earned retirement savings. Some of us my carry a sense of loss due to the betrayal of those in whom we placed our trust or who we thought would protect our interest. A loss of security can be caused by a world event that happens far from our neighborhood. Experiences like these can make it difficult for us to shake off a sense of vulnerability.
Taking care of and trusting ourselves are necessary practices that can aide us in overcoming challenges and coping with feeling overwhelmed by problems small and large. Self -care is not selfishness but a responsible and grateful way to live. A critical step in taking care of ourselves is how we think. We understand the importance of taking care of our physical well-being. We also need a mental and spiritual health care plan for our mind and soul. The following suggestions, in no particular order of preference, are what I have found helpful to remember and practice.
1. We are not alone, and we are more normal than we think. A key is what we do with our thoughts and feelings. There are other people who are willing to help us, in confidence, if we let them know what we are struggling with and for which we are striving.
2. Do not be afraid to ask for help from people you trust.
3. Model someone whose way of handling stress inspires you.
4. It took work to get where you are now emotionally, spiritually and spiritually. Changes can be hard to make but it takes work to remain or change where you are in each of these areas.
5. Remain open to surprises and be willing to adapt to the changes that may occur, or we did not anticipate and over which you had no control.
6. Take small steps everyday toward your goals.
7. Ask yourself: “what is the one thing I can do today that will make a positive difference in my life”? Then, do it.
8. It is okay to want and to take time to be alone.
9. Forgive yourself and other people for any harm done to you.
10. The past influences our present and future only if we allow it to do so.
11. Trust yourself and your instincts. Remember that you have multiples capacities, strengths and skills.
12. We teach others to respect our needs by attending to them ourselves.
13. Feelings and emotions will come and go. We do not always have to act on them, just let them be.
14. Look for the opportunity in difficult times to gain new skills, insights, strengths and a broader vision of what your life can be.
15. Do not forget in the present moment what you learned from past experiences that helped you to overcome obstacles in the past.
16. You can only be responsible for what you have control over.
17. We are mind, body and soul or spirit, so we are to take care of our whole self.
To what end is regaining trust in ourselves and practicing self-care? The proposals above are not meant to reinforce the attitudes of individualism and self-centeredness pervasive in our society today. They are meant to help us to become aware that some of the ways we think about ourselves reinforce our problems, contribute to our despair and isolate us from other people. Our self-care liberates us to love ourselves, to serve and be in community with others, all of creation and God-a God who still believes in us!
Frederick (Jerry) Streets is a member of the faculty at Yale Divinity School and a clinical social worker.
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