Single in the City: Swipe Fatigue and Choosing Yourself This Valentine’s Day

THE AFRO — When swipe fatigue collides with Valentine’s pressure, the message becomes distorting, like maybe you’re doing something wrong, so you swipe more. Try harder. Lower standards. Reevaluate your list. Entertain situations we’d normally pass on – all to avoid being alone on the most coupled-centered day of the year.

By Ericka Alston Buck | Special to the AFRO

Valentine’s Day has become the romantic equivalent of matching Christmas pajamas.

Somewhere along the way, having a Valentine stopped being about love and started being about proof—proof that someone chose you, proof that you’re “enough” and desirable, proof that you have something, someone to post about on social media. Flowers by noon, dinner reservations by 8 and a caption by 9. And if you don’t? Society quietly asks, “What went wrong?”

That pressure feels especially heavy in a dating culture shaped by apps and algorithms. Swipe fatigue isn’t just about being tired of online dating; it’s about being tired of the cycle. Reintroducing yourself. Restarting conversations. Feeling hopeful one week and detached the next. Watching effort outpace results while Valentine’s Day looms like a deadline you didn’t agree to.

This year, I chose to step back. I haven’t swiped since November. Not because I’ve given up on real connection or even love, but because I was done forcing connections to meet a moment. Online dating once felt like an opportunity. For many of us now, it feels like emotional labor with inconsistent returns. The abundance of options hasn’t created clarity; it’s created exhaustion.

When swipe fatigue collides with Valentine’s pressure, the message becomes distorting, like maybe you’re doing something wrong, so you swipe more. Try harder. Lower standards. Reevaluate your list. Entertain situations we’d normally pass on – all to avoid being alone on the most coupled-centered day of the year.

Alone is not the problem. Performing is.

Valentine’s Day has quietly shifted from a celebration of connection to a public measure of it.  Love now feels like something to display, not just experience, and if you don’t have a dinner date, a gift or a photo to post, it can feel like you’ve fallen behind.

This year, intentionally, my Valentine’s Day will be solo or it may be dinner with a few of my single friends, sharing stories and good food, for a good ole’ Galentine’s Day! Either way, it’ll be my personal reset and intention is power.

If swipe fatigue has you questioning love, worth or timing consider this your reset, too:

You’re allowed to pause.

Rest is a part of discernment, not a failure.

You don’t owe just anyone access to you.

Clarity will always serve you better than availability.

Dating apps are tools, not truth.

They measure exposure, not compatibility or readiness.

Opt out of performative love.

Real connection doesn’t require an audience.

Choose yourself on purpose.

Self-love isn’t avoidance, it’s alignment.

Valentine’s Day will pass. The noise will quiet down. And when the season shifts, maybe in spring, you’ll be clearer, reset and open in a way that actually serves you.

Swipe fatigue is your signal to reset, not retreat.

This Valentine’s Day, restore your joy and protect your peace and trust that when spring arrives, so will a connection aligned with who you are now – unforced, intentional and worth the wait!