By Rev. Vicki Flippin
“Faith Matters” features pieces written by local religious figures.
I began serving in the United Methodist Church as clergy in 2008, the year Connecticut achieved marriage equality. Soon after, a lesbian couple that had found a home in our church got engaged. They came to me with joy to ask if I would conduct their wedding in their beloved church. My heart sank. I should have said, “Congratulations! I would be honored to conduct your wedding!” Instead, I told them that, even though this local church was affirming, the denomination as a whole was not. And I could lose my job if I married them. They were heartbroken. I knew instantly that I had done harm and had sinned against God and neighbor in the name of the church, and I was ashamed. The couple was married by someone else, but I knew that I could no longer serve the UMC unless I joined the movement to end its discriminatory laws.
In the United Methodist Church, homosexuality was officially declared “incompatible with Christian teaching” in 1972. In 1984, the church banned “self-avowed practicing homosexuals” from ordination. And so began decades of law-based discrimination against LGBTQ children of God in our church. Clergy spent whole careers in the closet. Others left or were prosecuted and lost their jobs. And, worst of all, generations of queer youth were taught that they were incompatible with the kin-dom of God.
In 2009, I joined Methodists in New Directions (MIND) and the Covenant of Conscience movement, in which we invited area United Methodists to sign a pledge not to follow discriminatory church laws. Clergy vowed to marry same-sex couples. Churches vowed to open their sanctuaries to same-sex weddings. And everyone vowed to protect and support any clergy brought up on charges by the denomination for their pastoral acts of conscience. In 2014, we published a series of stories by clergy detailing the same-sex weddings we had performed. We published our names and all of the information anyone would need to bring charges against us. In 2016, 15 United Methodist clergy came out as queer, and Karen Oliveto became the first out queer person to be elected as bishop. Finally, in 2024, after decades of fierce struggle, heartbreak, loss, and schism, our denomination voted to remove the discriminatory language from our laws.
Of course, I have written here about only a small portion of this movement to which I had a front row seat. If I had time, I would tell you about the first PFLAG meeting that was held in the basement of the Metropolitan-Duane UMC in the West Village in 1973. I would tell you about 1978 when our Board of Ordained Ministry voted to defy a bishop who was trying to remove Rev. Paul Abels from ministry because he was gay. I would tell you about the healing services at the United Methodist Church of the Village that date back to its ministry with gay men during the AIDS crisis in New York City. If I had time, I would tell you about the incredibly brave and brilliant humans and beloved friends I have met in the struggle for LGBTQ affirmation in the church. Some continue with me in the UMC. Others have left for more liberatory spaces.
This Pride, as a United Methodist, I know there is so much more to do. But, today, I am pausing to remember the people who left our churches for their own survival, children who grew up believing that God did not love them, and lives loved and lost to AIDS, violence, and suicide. Today, I pause to honor the strategizing rooms, the direct action trainings, the one-on-one conversations, the people who organized and risked coming out, and the communities that embraced, held, and lifted them up, refusing to obey unjust laws.
Rev. Vicki Flippin, who is ordained in the United Methodist Church, serves as associate dean for student affairs at Yale Divinity School.
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