Domestic Violence Awareness Month Begins With Hope

by Maya McFadden

What is hope? For 26-year-old Angelika, hope sounds like her domestic violence advocate joining her daughters’ school meetings. It looks like her and her two daughters being happier than ever, now that she found the resources and confidence to leave her abusive partner behind.

Angelika was one of dozens of community members who gathered at the Long Wharf Pier Tuesday to kick off October’s National Domestic Violence Awareness month. Local leaders, police officers, abuse survivors, and domestic violence advocates joined for a press conference spearheaded by BHcare’s domestic violence services program and by the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Mayor Justin Elicker said that New Haven police so far this year have responded to 2,772 domestic violence-related calls. He thanked law enforcement, domestic violence advocates, and service partners for being on the frontlines of the work.

Elicker said that 20 people per minute experience physical abuse by an intimate partner in the U.S. He added that one in four women and one in seven men experience domestic violence in their lifetime, and said that those numbers are often underreported. He also noted that one in five children are exposed to domestic violence in the household.

“There’s help and there’s hope,” he said.

The lineup of speakers reminded the community that resources are available through the CT Safe Connect hotline, which offers free and confidential call and text options at 888-774-2900. The hotline is available 365 days a year.

BHcare CEO Roberta Cook said Tuesday’s gathering aimed to honor the memory of those taken too soon as a result of domestic violence and to recommit the community and its partners to addressing domestic violence. “We form a lifeline for survivors here today,” she said. “Even the strongest network cannot succeed without the resources to sustain it. Funding cuts are threatening an already thin safety net.”

At Tuesday’s gathering, student members of Quinnipiac University’s Alpha Chi Omega sorority read 19 names of people who died from domestic violence in Connecticut in 2024. The ages of those victims ranged from victims 3 months old to 83 years old. A total of four children were included on the memorial list at ages 3 months, 9 months, 2 years, and 6 years old.

Tuesday’s audience wore purple clothing — the color of domestic violence awareness — and each person held a small bouquet of lavender flowers to later toss off the Long Wharf Pier and into the water as a memorial.

CT Coalition Against Domestic Violence CEO Meghan Scanlon; organization serves 40,000 individuals annually.

Angelika shared her testimonial with Tuesday’s crowd to show that “change is possible” no matter how long it takes. She said when she left the abuse she faced over a year ago she feared leaving behind all of her belongings, money, her home, and the people she knew.

“When I made the decision to leave I wasn’t just walking away from abuse. It was leaving everything behind,” she said. “I stepped into a shelter with nothing but my kids and my faith.” She recalled being terrified and afraid her kids would be sad about leaving their home. She quickly realized, however, that her two daughters were happier in the shelter than they’d ever been.

Angelika said she now can put 100 percent into her children and be present. “I finally feel like the best mom,” she said.

Angelika shared from her own experience after Tuesday’s event that her journey was not linear and she reminded others that that was OK. She went to a domestic violence shelter a total of three times, though she didn’t have the support each time to start over. One of those times dates back to when she was12 years old and her mother brought her and her brother to a shelter to get away from her husbands abuse. The second time was later in life after having her children. She was given a choice between leaving her relationship and support system with her kids but when she did she struggled to fully commit to the huge change and went back.

Eventually the Department of Children and Families (DCF) took her children until she left the unsafe abusive relationship. Within the year she got custody of her daughters again and took another step toward independence for several years alone. During this time however she was moved in to her parents’ home where she faced emotional and physical abuse from her father as she did in her youth. This then led to her third and final step to commit to receiving support for her and her daughters at a shelter by leaving behind all party’s that had a hand in the abuse she experienced.

“I was born into abuse, but I couldn’t let it continue forever. It took me some time because when you live in chaos long enough, you forget what peace feels like,” she said.

She has since completely changed her lifestyle by deleting her social media, going to bed earlier, and creating routines for her children. “Those little changes became bricks in the foundation of a new life,” she said.

Now Angelika is no longer living in “survival mode” by putting her abuser first. She’s since bought her own apartment, gotten baptized, and hopes to next become an EMT. “Leaving may feel like the hardest step you’ll ever take, but it’s one that sets you free. And sometimes what you think will break your children will actually be what heals them,” she said.

Another testimonial shared Tuesday was from Diana, whose experience dated back to 2005 when she experienced abuse while raising her first child. She went through BHcare’s Umbrella Center for domestic violence services and was connected with support and a shelter to start over. “It was more than just a shelter. It was a lifeline that helped me rebuild my life from the ground up,” she said.

The services helped her acquire childcare so she could focus on working. She earned her driver’s license and got her first apartment in 2006. She then went on to get her GED and next became a licensed practical nurse. Now she is a mother of four, a nurse, and has bought a house. “The Umbrella Program didn’t just meet my immediate needs, they saw my potential,” she said.

The event also recognized eight police officers for their work in supporting those who experience domestic violence. New Haven Officer Luke Julianelle was celebrated alongside officers from Milford, Ansonia, Shelton, Woodbridge, and the state police.

Purple flowers are tossed into the water to remember lost victims.